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Grace
There have been two separate things weighing heavily on my heart.
One of them I haven’t even mentioned to anyone or in prayer because of how unlikely it was to happen. The other is something I pray about constantly. So let’s get down to business…
[I’m not going to say specifically what the first issue is because it’s just too much to explain] I have been praying about this “issue” for about a month. I knew it was pretty silly and very unlikely to happen, but I just couldn’t help but let it linger in my heart. So I put in a compartment of things to daydream about it. I didn’t even pray about this because I was kinda embarrassed. God answered the lingering desire in my heart without me saying a word. I was so shocked. I never really thought it would happen, but it did and it was exactly as I hoped it would be. It just really spoke volumes of how God sees the depths of my heart that I am unwilling to share and still loves me.
On to the next one…
I’m a crap wife. I really am. I can be so selfish, inpatient, argumentative, and the list goes on and on. Lately I was not loving my husband in the ways that he receives love. About a month ago or so I began to ask the Lord for help. I needed help loving Jared, having a servant’s heart, taking care of my duties around the house, freaking cooking dinner!, and doing all of the things that make my husband feel and know how deeply I love him. All I could feel was my rebellious and insubordinate side rear its ugly head. I remember getting into the shower and just crying because I was seeing how awful my own heart is. Jared hadn’t done anything for me to act that way. It was me and my sin that was taking over my heart and clouding everything.
About two weeks ago I felt like I did a 180. Almost like it was overnight. As weird as this sounds, I really feel that God is showing me how to love Jared well. [I’m definitely still learning and there’s still a lot to learn!] God was showing me and still is showing that is mercies are new every day. My heart is much more tender toward Jared and I really want to love him and love him well. I’m still selfish and an awful person, but God is working on my heart and I can’t even tell you how great it feels. It’s painful, but so worth it. I love my husband more than anything God ever created and I am so thankful that God gave me grace, and grace, and more grace to get through that rough patch.
Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still
Who, oh Lord, could save themselves,
Their own soul could heal?
Our shame was deeper than the sea
Your grace is deeper still
You alone can rescue, You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us, led us out of death
To You alone belongs the highest praise
You, oh Lord, have made a way
The great divide You heal
For when our hearts were far away
Your love went further still
Yes, your love goes further still
You alone can rescue, You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us, led us out of death
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You alone belongs the highest praise
You alone
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
You alone can rescue, You alone can save
You alone can lift us from the grave
You came down to find us, led us out of death
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You alone belongs the highest praise
To You aloneYou Alone Can Rescue - Matt Redman
